Distaster dates - all true

Below is an extract from acclaimed Glasgow author Lesley's new book - Every thing that can go wrong in a date explained

"The dating world is never easy, so I would like to give you my 10 tips for disasterous dating. All stories are true and names may be changed to protect the innocent parties (ie. me)"

1 Younger Men
A younger man always seems like a compliment at the time. This can prove to be difficult if you start to get mistake for the big sister or even mother (it was sister for me). Even worse if you find that the individual concerned still has cartoon bedcovers (yes we will call him Mr X, he was 19 at the time). Yes, I said cartoon. And no I didn't do anything. ROLF. Apparently they were selling them 'cheap at work'. This is a no go area people and one you will never live down. Believe me.

2 Older Guys
Sugar Daddies are also attractive. Unless you look like his daughter. There is also the problem of grey hair, on the head this can be shaved off however may become a problem in other aspects of the relationship. I will not go into this any further, I am sure you know what I mean. I will leave you with one word. Sagging.

3 Laughing at your jokes
You are not that funny. Not everything that comes out of your mouth is a joke. If you find your date laughs at absolutely everything there may be two reasons, hes a psycho or he hasnt been around girls much. I would run.

4 He's a lovely guy
Was told this by a mate who had the perfect person for me. Waited about 6 weeks to meet him and the nosey person inside me was getting the better of me. I asked - Is he good lookin, Reasonable question i thought. My good friend replied 'Aye.... he's a lovely big guy' with a sweet smile on her face. Ya dancer I thought, I'm in here lol. Well the big day came and a few people walked in the door, I checked them out as they came in to see which one was my suitor - there he was - big guys I can handle. seriously. But it was the cats deid jeans, white socks, big bunny ear laces on the big white 'tennis shoes'. The t-shirt just covered his belly. I have avoided blind dates since then, or if I have a blind date I request a photo (recent) lol

5 People Missing a Limb
If on a drunken night out, this could cause you difficulties in the morning. Similar to the novelty bed covers you could have trouble living this down.

6 Workmates
This is just a bad idea. Period. Don't shit on your back step as my dad would say. Could result in some very funny stories, however not for bebo!

7 Stalkers
If you find out that you look like a suitors ex-girlfriend or love interest, run for the hills. I looked like a Michelle from Magaluf apparently. That was interesting, when there was talk of our children that was when I really shit myself and run like fuck. I have since changed my name, number and email and am on the bebo witness protection scheme.

8 I'm shy
If you don't fancy them be honest. I am guilty of playing the 'I'm shy' card which can get you into difficulty later. Especially when they start stalking you. Save yourself the problem, Just leave the film early and pretend your off to the toilet.

9 Gay Bars
A good friend recently took me to the polo lounge - I am straight, however got hit on in the first five minutes of going in by a hot chick. Although after the event I thought this was great and a huge compliment. I was totally shitting myself at the time.

10 I give up
I couldn't think of a number ten so I will leave you with this parting thought, men are all nuts, women are even crazier. If you are lucky enough to find someone who hasn't met any of the above categories enjoy yourself.

Wrote By: L @ bebo